Everybody needs good neighbours

Approximately a week after we’d moved into our house, about 4 years ago, we realised we had shit neighbours. 

We live in a decent-ish area and even though it’s very close to everything in the city it’s remarkably quiet. 

Apart from next door.

Two people live there, presumably partners.  I don’t really want to make presumptions about them, but I will: they are quite literally the local tramps.  Tramps with a house. 

Leaving for work this morning at 8am, 3 of them were sat on the step pissed as arseholes still drinking.  On their front fucking steps.  I’m partial to a late drink myself, but not until 8am and definitely not at someone’s front door. 

I can think of better things to be greeted by when I leave the house of a morning, rather than a “are you alright looooooovvve?” by a drunken tramp, holding a can of cider.

This happens at least three or four times a week, if they aren’t on the front steps then we at least hear the 4am arguments or shouts to be let in the house.  You see, they only have one key between them and the door bell or door knocker hasn’t been invented yet.  So it’s brilliant to be woken by one of them drunkenly screaming at 4am “[insert name] open the fucking door you prick/knob/slag/slut!”  They have such melodic voices too…

The house is (for some strange reason) owned by a housing association and how they’ve let them stay in there I’ll never know.  We couldn’t be more horizontal if we tried, but even we’ve complained to everyone we could.  Our landlord has complained, our landlord has complained on our behalf, most of the street have complained, but for some reason they’re still there. 

But this got me thinking today, even though I’ve lived here for 4 years I have absolutely no idea who lives in our street.  In addition to the tramps,  I know two people to say hello to: the woman who lives a few doors down who works in the sandwich shop, who we refer to as “the woman who works in the sandwich shop” and her husband whose name is “the woman who works in the sandwich shops husband”.  It’s a close, tight knit neighbourhood, obviously.  

This in in stark contrast to when I still lived in my parents. Admittedly I’d been there 20 odd years, but I knew virtually everyone in the road and most people in the area.  The tramps wouldn’t have lasted a week if they lived around there.

Brilliant.  As if on cue, “[name] OPEN THE FRONT FUCKING DOOOOOOOOOR!” 


11 thoughts on “Everybody needs good neighbours

    • Stephanie of Stopbouncing
      They wouldn’t take the hint, they’re not that type. Tonights argument has been about spilling vodka, the war of words then erupted to threats of calling the police!

  1. Sounds hellish.

    Haven’t met my neighbours yet… My mum has, and is impressed because they’re young-ish men and called her “madam”.

  2. Brennig
    They should indeed. Everytime we’ve complained (or someone else has) it’s come to nothing. In the end we’ve just gave up (and I decide to have a little rant on here)!

    It’s a pain in the arse. It’s a good job we don’t have kids, I would’ve kicked seven bells out of them by now.

    Politeness and manners go a long way 😀

  3. Urg – nightmare neighbours, you poor thing.

    Luckily, here, everyone is super polite (plus, of course, you have the “no noise after 10pm” rule which helps). I think I’m actually the tramp neighbour *gasp*. Oh God, there are probably blogs out there complaining about me tripping home at 3 in the morning and making noise at 10.03pm.

    Hope they get moved out soon!

  4. S. Le
    No idea, there must be a reason they can’t move them though.

    No noise after 10pm? Wow.

    There would be advantages to being a tramp – such as they don’t have to observe any rules, obviously!

    Shouldn’t that be moooooed out? (Sorry couldn’t resist).

  5. A new neighbour just moved into the place nextdoor to me. I haven’t seen them yet, but they drive a mini-van … so it must be a family.
    I’m a Sherlock Holmeboy sometimes.

  6. You could try buying them a new key so they would have one each….

    Or should that be 2 new keys?

    Can you do a count back for me, 2 people live in the house but there are always 3 people drunk on the door step…..Have you been drinking again and developed 1½ X vision……

    I was going to give you a link to my neighbours from hell blog from about 3 years ago, but after reading it and finding it really funny (is it really sad to find your own blog funny?) I decided that I’m probably going to republish it again as when it came out not even one man and his dog was reading the BlackLOG…..

  7. planetross
    Good powers of deduction, but maybe they’re Hobbits? Or an army of elves?

    2 live in the house, but they get visitors. So last week it was one of them and 2 homeless looking people. I don’t like to pigeon-hole people, but I will…I would be very surprised if the 2 weren’t actually homeless.

    It seems to be the place to be. 2 nights ago at 3am there were 3 police cars and a police van outside which came racing into the street (no sirens thankfully), all seemingly invited to their party – no idea what went on (apart from the screaming match) or who phoned the police.
    Although it can be entertaining, it’s bloody tedious now.

    I look forward to reading it. We can compare bad neighbours notes 🙂

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