I woke up about 5.20am after hearing noises, at first I thought it was the sleep paralysis kicking in again, so didn’t think much of it. That was until I heard my room door open, and someone fumbling about. I managed to turn around and seen the shadow of someone in my room. I was still in a sleepy haze and wasn’t certain if it was real or if I was just imagining it, I tried to call out but I couldn’t for some reason.
In the shadows it looked like the sleep walking zombie girl from the film The Ring. Then they sat down on my bed. “Wooooaaaaahh!”. It was real.
In a nanosecond I’d turned the lamp on and tried to work out what was going on. It’s 5.20am, I’m asleep and someone has just come in my room, in the dark, and sat on my bed? What the fuck?!
Whilst in a sleepy haze, my panther like reflexes aren’t the best, but as I was about to put a kick into their midriff they turned to face me. She just stared at me – it was my friends girlfriend (who I’d only been introduced to very very briefly (we’d only said ‘hello’) once before a few days earlier). She still looked like the girl from The Ring, but then she started lifting the duvet to get into my bed.
The look on her face wasn’t: ‘I want to shag you’, it was more: ‘I’m going to bludgeon you to death when you’re asleep’.
She looked in a bit of a daze, lost and confused. Finally i got her attention, the mist cleared a little. I told her she was in the wrong room and she should be across the hall, she panicked and apologised. Maybe she was sleepwalking, I wasn’t sure? But just before she closed the door she left me with this gem: “are you ok for drinks?”
Obviously I didn’t get back asleep again for fear of being stabbed to death. (My other mates said I should’ve taken advantage of her ‘accidentally’ getting into my bed, I’ll be honest…even I wouldn’t).
Morning arrives: turns out she is a mentalist.
Apparently, unbeknown to my mate, she had taken 2 sleeping tablets and drunk a bottle of wine – he must find them in the local asylum. Still no explanation why she was in my room (except that being in my room was the only part of the previous 6-8 hours she can actually remember)! I’ve been assured she won’t be returning, but if she does, I’m locking all the knives away.