Road Rage

Sitting at the traffic lights and I seen the lorry waiting to turn right up ahead.  I also knew the cars to my right would try and accelerate away from the lights to try and dive in front of me to avoid being stuck behind said lorry.

I knew I had no chance of accelerating enough to beat the Audi next to me, but rather than trundle along like Driving Miss Daisy, I’d try and get up to speed quick enough to not let anyone else cut in front of me.  You know, just for a laugh. 

Bruumm Brruuumm….(that’s the sound of an engine revving, in case anybody isn’t sure…*cough*).

A BMW did manage to get in front of me, in the right hand lane, but given the time and space continuum between the lights and lorry, he had no chance of cutting in.  He made a slight turn to try and make it, so I beeped my horn to make sure he knew I was there.  Luckily he braked and got stuck behind the lorry.  I chuckled.

A mile up the road, at the next set of traffic lights, I seen the same BMW catch up and stopping behind me I expected a two fingered salute or an angry fist shake.  Instead he got out of his car and approached me.  He was quite large too.  For fucks sake. 

"What did you beep me for?" he said.

"You were about to cut me up, so I beeped to let you know I was there" said I.

"But I didn’t did I?……..So what did you beep me for?"

"’Cos you were about to cut in…"

"I didn’t though, so why did you beep me?"

This could’ve gone on all night, but what the fuck?  This guy was angry.  Not only angry, but wound up and pissed off enough to get out of his car and confront me at traffic lights…because I beeped my car horn?  Surely not. 

I just looked at him, bemused as to what he wanted me to say.roadrunner 

His body language told me he wanted to fight.  His body size also told me he  was big enough to kick seven shades of shit out of me.  My arse was already twitching and I was sure I’d get my head kicked in, but I was ready to get out if he tried to do something to my car.  Already resigned to the fact that I was about to be an official statistic of ‘Road Rage’, I was also about to become the proud owner of a pulped face.

Still with an angry head on and with me looking at him, he piped up and said "Wind your window down a bit more"

‘hahahaha yeh right, as if I’m going to do that.  I have a few more brain cells than you, knobhead’.  Was what I didn’t have the balls to say to his face.

Instead I just looked at him and replied "No".

Another stare-out.  He’s gonna kick off now, here we go.

And that’s when it happened…

…he called me a "prick” and walked back to his car.  That was that.

I mean, what the fuck was all that about?  I started laughing whilst simultaneously unclenching my arse cheeks and continued singing along (badly) to Mumford & Sons.

If you’re pissed off enough to confront someone at traffic lights at least do something.  Don’t walk away like a pleb.

Release that anger and frustration by kicking their wing mirror off the car, throw a boot into the door and dent it a few times.  At the very least open the car door and throw a few punches or try and drag the driver out and kick seven shades of shit out of him.  If your still fuming, go and get a wrench from your car and, starting with the lights, smash every single one of them.  Then put a window or two through and finish off by shattering the windscreen. 

That’s what I’d do.  But I’m not an angry headed BMW driving tool.

Beep Beep.


15 thoughts on “Road Rage

  1. I have such wonderful imagery of you tootling along in a little old mini or something, rather akin to Mr Bean’s mean ride. Making a noise which is more ‘pootle, pootle pootle, pootle…’ xxxx

  2. Bit scary though isn’t it.

    Wonder what he uses his horn for if ‘letting you know I was there’ isn’t a valid excuse in his books.

  3. Guys like that freak me out. They must be so angry ALL THE TIME to get that cross in a car. I had one gesticulating with rage at me on the motorway the other day. He was sitting in the middle lane with no other traffic anywhere. I came up behind him in the slow lane, over took and returned to the slow lane. I thought he was going to have a heart attack he looked so cross. Every conceivable fist and finger gesture came out of the box. I still don’t know why.

  4. I had someone cut me badly a number of years back. He was in a right hand lane only and shot across in front of me causing me to break hard, I only just missed him. I was to shocked to use my horn or even hand gesture but I admit I did swear out loud. At the next set of lights this gorilla peeled himself out of his car and stated kicking my door. Luckily the lights changed and so I swerved around his car (probably cutting up loads of other cars in the process) and drove for my life.

    I think I met his brother the other day. I was driving on my side of the road but near to the centre as there were pedestrians spilled out from the pavement. On the other side of the road was a parked lorry which I was halfway along. A prick (no other way of describing him) pulled out from the left and started heading towards me half on my side of the road and then started beeping his horn. I just smiled at him and then burst out laughing as he swerved onto his side of the road almost hitting the parked lorry. I think some people think they can bully people off the road, if I has done what he wanted I would have had to take out a number of pedestrians. I’ve not hit any pedestrians before but if a fox can take out my fog light with a head butt I suspect your average pedestrian could probably do a fair bit of damage to the car.

  5. That is why I drive a big ass tanker of a Volvo. People know if they ever get out of their car to yell at me, I will drive over them with it. But I’m glad you’re okay, he could’ve taken out a shotgun and blasted your bits off.

  6. How scary!

    One time when I opened my car door in a parking lot of a restauratn I accidentially lightly tapped the car door next to me in the parking lot. The guy from that car jumped out of his car and ran around towards me. I was already out of my car and was terrified. He was yelling that if I left even so much as a scratch he would take out his tire iron and beat my car with it.

    As he was frightening me half to death his girlfriend sat in his car watching, looking rather bored as if this was all normal.

    I wondered how after watching her boyfriend terrorizing a wee whisp of a girl with red-faced ferocity and threats of tire irons how she could continue on with her date but she did.

    As it turned out I didn’t leave a ding in his car at all. But if I had I have insurance that would have paid for any damage.

  7. Brennig
    Definitely a case of small man syndrome.

    Probably to get the attention of attractive looking females walking down the street? Even as a male that annoys me when ‘men’ do that.

    Welsh Girl
    I can’t see how anyone can work themselves up into a rage to be that angry…in a car!

    Sounds like it was the same fella! There are some weird people out there.

    People do indeed make a bigger dent than a fox. I once went head first into a windscreen. All my own fault for not following the green cross code: crossing between parked cars without looking. Not my finest moment. I was quite lucky considering what happened!

    The Girl
    I have a mental image of an episode of The Simpsons, of you being Marge (without the blue hair) when she drives that 4×4 over all the traffic.

    S. Le
    I thought that was funny, I’m not sure what he expected, “oh yeh, hang on a sec mate, I’ll lower this down so you can throw your fist towards my face”. I think he only had half a brain cell.

    Sounds like a typical bully, like the guy had the misfortune to encounter.

  8. There are some real nut cases on the road nowadays. Definitely small man syndrome.

    I once was being furiously given the coffee bean sign my someone, so it retaliation I blew him a kiss. In my head it seemed a very funny thing to do, it did not help the situation!

  9. People must be pricks … or we would all ride on the same public transportation together.

    note: that’s the best I can do … without whipping myself up into a blograge!

    double note: “must be” = “are”. hee hee!

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