The one including a girl and vomiting

When I go out I never actively go out to try and chat up females.  Ever.  I also know this is the main reason for my longstanding singledom status, but for one reason or another I can just never be arsed. 

Rewind to a few nights ago and I didn’t change my tact much either, but somehow I pulled.  Finally, years of perfecting my ‘I can’t be arsed’ look worked.  Even my bad ‘uncle knobhead, with the movement equivalent of a tree’ dancing in the early hours didn’t put her off.  I was, however, initially more concerned with the whereabouts of the free Sambuca which was being given out by the bar staff (my priorities were in still in working order)!

Long story short however, given it had been “a while”, it wasn’t my greatest moment between the sheets.  I therefore have no shame in announcing to the internets, that I was initially more efficient than a P&Q roll-on/roll-off ferry.  Although I did make amends in due course.   I did!

In hindsight though, given she had come back to mine, my morning after etiquette wasn’t up to scratch.  After a couple of refused requests for tea and toast (tea and toast? Is that the norm nowadays?  In the past I’ve tried to make a break for it as quick as possible – apart from that time someone actually went out to the shop to go and buy bacon so she could make me breakfast *aaahh those were the days, they don’t make ‘em like they used to*) I just always want to avoid the awkward morning thing.  It also seemed she wasn’t in any particular rush to move and was digging in for the day, so I finally manned-up with the classic: “I’m not being rude but I need to go out in about an hour” (I did actually need to go out…just not for another 3 hours).  Who said chivalry was dead eh?  I’m an ol’ romantic at heart!

Neither did we swap numbers with each other.  Would she have given me her number?  Was she waiting for me to ask? Again, in hindsight I probably should’ve asked, as she was actually good looking and my type of girl, but something in the back of my head told me not to ask for her number for some reason.


Anyway, fast forward 12 hours later and I’m doing the greatest impression ever seen of that girl from The Exorcist, and I’m projectile vomiting all over my bedroom floor. 

I woke up about 2am and the only thing I literally had time to do, was swing my head off the pillow to ensure I didn’t vomit all over my bed.  I couldn’t even lift myself off my bed, nevermind make it to the toilet.  I’ve since spent two days in bed, slept the most I’ve slept in about 6 months, and still feel like shite.

Possible Theories to the sickness:

  • Food Poisoning
  • Stomach Bug
  • Severe (delayed) allergic to reaction to being in close proximity with a living female

Taking into consideration that I hadn’t vomited for years and that it’d been “a while” since I last pulled.  My many years of medical training can only drive me to one conclusion: that the two events are somehow inexplicably related (maybe some kind of post traumatic stress). 

I’m therefore estimating next intimate relations with a female to be in the year 2015.  This way I won’t be disappointed and hopefully the current distinct whiff of vomit will have left my room by then.


PS: Happy New Year and all that malarkey *shakes everyone’s hand*


17 thoughts on “The one including a girl and vomiting

  1. Pingback: The one including a girl and vomiting - The world is filled with Mad Blogz

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  3. OMFG! Not only did you pull on a night out but you got her back to your place *and* she did you all in the space of one night? I didn’t know that kind of stuff went on any more.

    Anyway, congratulations.

    As to the vomiting, she could have poisoned you, maybe?

  4. She likely gave you a stomach bug. Probably for the lack of number exchange. Could also be the “free” drinks were tainted. Hope you feel better soon! Don’t let the experience put you off. You may need more exposure to females to toughen you up!

    • Brennig
      That kind of stuff doesn’t go on anymore…not in my world anyway (normally!). I fear she did poison me in some way, shape or form.

      S. Le
      Still not feeling great but I’m on the mend. Rest assured, I’m not put off at all, I’ve dealt with worse in the past (females and sickness ha!).
      Although I now I have visions of a female gathering for me to attend so I can become immune to the female species. A bit like them chicken pox parties mothers throw for their babies!

  5. Congrats on getting your end away, and twice in one night, lucky girl. She probably went out and bought a voodoo doll to inflict a torturous vomiting bug on you for not giving her tea and toast or asking for her number. I think it’s mighty rude for someone to bed down for the day after a one-night-stand. I mean, why should I feed, water and keep them warm when I don’t know them? eh?

    Happy new year 🙂

    • soupy
      Why thank you, my mates seemed to think it was long overdue too! One thing that stopped me asking for her number was that in the back of my mind was ‘probably a bit of a mentalist’. I’m expecting to feel pins in my limbs any second :p

      Happy New Year!

  6. Haha, brilliant. Have you ever seen the Stephen King film Misery? Maybe she slipped something in your, err, water and planned on “taking care of you” for the next few weeks. Maybe I’ve been on my own too long and my imagination is running wild.

    Happy new year. Hope you stop chucking up soon.

  7. Congrats old boy. The re-entrance into the game never goes as smoothly as one hopes it would. Sounds more like food poisoning, or some weird kind of infection she’s given you – meningitis? Is that even contagious? Ah I suck at this.

    In response to your musing above, YES she was waiting for you to ask for her number. But there’s no reason you should have done – no point wondering why or how you didn’t ask for it; when you want someone (that one in particular or a generic human being) enough, you’ll make the advances. Or she’ll jump on you. If you end up regretting it, that’ll just fuel the chances you will ask for it next time.


  8. oh, also, in the interests of flagrantly laying everything bare to the internet, I’m interested in how long ‘a while’ is for you?

    • Jo
      haha, yes I’ve seen Misery. Imagine if it was her doing, it would be just my luck for something like that to happen too!
      Thankfully the vomit has stopped and I’m feeling better now, thanks 🙂

      Don’t think meningitis is contagious, but whatever it was it’s gone now.
      I did think about that myself (if I wanted her number I would’ve asked), which tells me I didn’t really want her number. Looking back on it though – what harm would it have done? I could’ve entertained myself with her mentalist voodoo and at least ensured I don’t go on a barren spell, nothing ventured nothing gained and all that, it’s not as if I’m looking for ‘the one’!
      As it turns out, strangely, my mate told me yesterday that one of her friends, is a friend of one of our friends – you know like that six degrees of separation thing…well something like that. There may be voodoo afoot yet!

      In the interests of not laying everything to bare on the internet I’d rather not say how long ‘a while’ is. Nice try though 😉

  9. Happy New Year!

    Girls and vomit dont’ mix … but are okay separately … if it’s the girl vomiting … or just faking vomiting. hee hee!

    very nice title on this one. … sorry you were so sick after having sex though. …that doesn’t sound right.

  10. You are the ultimate Casanova! Sweep them off your feet then throw them out into the snow the morning after. I suspect poisoning as the cause. Whether alcohol or female related I cannot decide….

  11. planetross
    It was just a coincidence (hopefully haha), I suspect I caught some kind of disease.

    Nah, it wasn’t the Sambucca, I don’t mind the stuff and only had a couple.

    Welsh Girl
    Maybe it was a lethal cocktail of alcohol/food/female. I should become a lab rat to find out what it was…

  12. Pingback: The one including a girl and vomiting « Cynical Scribble | Health News

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