It can’t be just me that has noticed this, but are pigeons starting to breed like rabbits or something? The flying bastards are everywhere and their getting braver too.
It wasn’t too long ago (when all this was just fields), that pigeons would be shit scared of humans. You’d only have to get within about 10 meters of one and they’d shit themselves and fly away. You could stamp your foot by one, just to show it who was boss, and it’d shit itself and fly up to the nearest building. You’d be able walk away with your chest pushed out and head held high.
Nowadays, your 6 feet away (or closer) before the little bastards will move. Even then they just make a quick hop the other way, whilst wondering which part of your body it will peck to death first.
Like a group of cocky teenagers you never see a pigeon on it’s own either. They’re always in a little group ready to take you on. Why don’t they fly away anymore? I bet Charles Darwin never foreseen this evolution of the pigeon. When did they become birds of steel? Evolution, or some kind of natural selection dark magic? Even when you drive at them they just sidestep out of the way (I’ve never done this on purpose, honest guv’…).
The revolution is coming. Within 10 years the flying rats will have taken over the world. We’ll all have to sit on park benches and underneath statues, feeding our feathered kings bits of bread and whatever other shit they eat.
Imagine if they were just a little bit bigger…they’d be able to swoop down, pick up a human and fly away. Even worse than Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds, it’d be absolutely terrifying walking through town.