Escaped soldier

Walking around the supermarket yesterday and I realised my manhood had popped out of my boxers.  Don’t worry, I haven’t moved into the flasher territory – I was wearing trousers at the time too.

Walking around supermarkets doesn’t do anything for me, so thankfully even though he’d escaped from his house, my soldier was asleep.  But it was in no-mans land.  And it was chafing against the zip of my trousers. 

Ouch.

Without actually throwing my hand down my pants it was impossible to put back in.  Every little wiggle, or discreet movement I done to try and get it back in failed.  Pocket billiards failed, trying a few an up and unders to get it back in the hole failed too.

Walking down the bread isle I decided to try one last time to get it back in before someone accused me of wanking over the crumpets. 

I failed.

Therefore today, ladies and gentlemen, I have penis burn.  Think nipple burn but 10 times more painful. 

Today is not going to be a good day.

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11 thoughts on “Escaped soldier

  1. I managed to catch the end of my little fellow in my ZIP once. It was actually trapped in there, attached like a little pink Pit Bull terrier with it’s jaws locked in place. My sister walked in and thought I was doing something unspeakable as I rolled around the floor, moaning and grabbing my crotch. I had to drag myself to the bathroom and sit in a cold – increasingly red, bath until it was in a position to rip the zipper in one direction. Yes the neighbourhood probably still remember the screams.

    It took me years to convince my sister that I had not been playing with myself in the living room but had just had a zipper incident. Just as well it was not in the supermarket, writhing around in the isle and then thrusting my manhood into the freezer cabinet. I suspect Sainsbury’s would probably take a very dim view. I can see the advert though “This is not just penis burn, this is Sainsbury’s specially selected penis burn, with added zipper marks for extra tenderisation!”

    . Excuse me I’m heading off for a lie down to try and get over that memory.

  2. Dennis – The cry for a medic was not heard. He was left to fend for himself, the poor little mite. Making a full recovery now though!

    Perpetual – It’s not good at any time or place.

    S. Le – You’re welcome 🙂

    BlackLOG – haha I got mine stuck in a zip when I was about 10. My mum had me trying on school trousers on in the living room once while her friends waited in the kitchen with her. Cue screams from the living room when I zipped up.

    I’m still traumatised.

  3. I laughed – sorry. Actually I laughed a lot, does that count as schadenfreude? Love the blog, very entertaining!

    • planetross – I’m not quite sure the world is ready for me to go au natural

      Hi Bridget – Yes I think it does count as schadenfreude, however I’ll let you off. Thanks for your comment, glad you like the blog 🙂

      Rohan – Hi, thanks for commenting. I think Mr P just wanted a bit of fresh air!

  4. Funny post. Probably not funny for you at the time of,or for awhile after. I had no idea that “he” could even fall out of the hole. We must be talking boxer silk? What do you shout Man over board or man out of the hole? OK nuff of that. You brought the subject up. Hope your healing nicely.

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