I was in that there Londinium over the weekend. I’ve never really been out and about in London – apart from when I’ve been to football matches – which mostly comprised of being herded like cattle off and on coaches outside a football ground – so even though I’ve been to London loads of times, I’ve never really seen any of it apart from out of a window. This time we travelled down by train on Friday and had a little drinking adventure around London Bridge. This may sound stupid, but even though I live in a fairly big city, I was still surprised at just how many people there was milling about. Even at 2pm on Friday afternoon there was just loads of people everywhere. Sky News even ran a breaking news headline to commemorate the occasion: "Shocking News: We Can Confirm Loads of People Live In London".
First mistake I made was trying to meet up with mates and not realising there was a London Bridge and a Tower Bridge. Well done me. I still didn’t get to see much of London apart from the inside of pubs/bars (as per usual) and our planned adventure to Covent Garden didn’t materialise either. However, I did see Tower Bridge for the first time ever in real life – which omitted a "woooo there’s that bridge" sound from my mouth.
After copious amounts of alcohol on the way back to our apartment, my sense of direction was lost and we ended up walking in a big massive square. Deciding that walking around London at 2am in the morning was not the best thing for us to be doing we jumped a taxi (not literally) instead to head back to our apartment for more debauchery. Even though we were only a few hundred yards away I doubt I would’ve found it anyway. The cab cost us a massive £3, I think we were in it for about 30 seconds. I blamed the dark.
Saturday morning we missed breakfast because of our previous nights over indulging and so I settled for a cheeseburger to set me up for the day. Now, the cheeseburger I ordered from some place by Borough Market arrived looking nothing like a burger, more kebab-like…and was in a baguette. I’ll give you a second to be as agog as I was (and still am). Yes, a burger in a baguette. Not even a soft one, it was one of them hard baguette you could play cricket or baseball with. The absolute horrors. As soon as you get a ‘burger’ in a baguette you know there’s going to be problems. I think I managed half of it out of necessity, but mark my words, I’ll be writing letters of complaint to the food police.
Saturday nights journey home was mostly uneventful. Although we did bunk into first class on the train. Never one to miss an opportunity, I borrowed the water in the fridge by our seats. I’m going to hell I know – but, it was an alcohol free train and half the journey was spent hiding alcohol from the Transport Police – so it was compensation for missed VDT (valuable drinking time).
Little did I know that water was free anyway (I am redeemed), there was even free salted crisps in the buffet car for people in first class. Who’da thunk it? Sigh. Serves me right for travelling as a pleb for most of my life. I’d be more impressed if they gave free roast/steak dinners, alcohol, drugs and maybe a cabaret show to go with it. Oh, there was free internet…but my phone had died by that time so that freebie was rendered useless. In short, we need more freebies on trains, sort it out train people of the world.