Match making season

Suddenly it seems my singularity is sticking out for too many peoples liking. 

It’s not unusual for the odd friend to suggest a female friend of theirs to me for my perusal – someone they think is attractive and who I would get along with.  There is one problem – I have no interest in being ‘set up’, with anyone.  At all.

Even though I could’ve been ordained as a priest, made it to bishop and possibly toppled the pope for his job, during my singleton life (ok, things aren’t that bad, but I’m after a cheap laugh here) -  I won’t entertain the idea.  It may look like I’m ready to shag a dead horse, but I’m really not desperate for the nagging girlfriend/wife, screaming baby or a mortgage so high that I can’t afford to leave the house.  I moan about mates not going out now and again and suddenly everyone turns into Cilla Black. (I should add, that my friends have finally got bored of their pipe and slipper nights, so I’ve been quite busy lately).

This week the match making cherubs have been out in force though.  I’ve had 3 different friends suggest potential suitors to me.  Three, in one week.  It’s like the bloody buses.  The mentalists.  The phrase ‘free as a bird’ has never sounded more apt. 

I fully expect to hear about 3 females committing suicide within the next few days.  They know what they’ve lost…

So, either I’ve suddenly become hot property without anyone telling me, or all my friends are shitting themselves that I’ll die alone with ten cats when I’m 40…

…it’s the former isn’t it?  Yeh I knew it was!

*high five*


7 thoughts on “Match making season

  1. Top tips to a happy life

    Avoid the excessively Nagy ones. All females will nag it is the nature of the beast. They have after all got to put up with us men and so need to vent.

    Avoid children at all costs – if your partner gets broody, get a cat. If after a few years she gets broody again, then a dog (At this point your cat might move out. A bit of a set back on your goal to get to 10 by forty, more on that later). The next step is a horse, if this still does not work then you might have to get an elephant. Why an elephant? It’s not for you, it’s to keep the other one, the one in the corner, company.

    As for 10 cats, unless you intend to be excessively fat when you die, sad and alone, there won’t be enough of you to go round. After all the cats are going to need to eat while they wait a year and a half for your body (picked clean bones at any rate) to be discovered.

    • BlackLOG – You’re a marriage councilor right? I can just tell.

      If there was absolutely anyway for me to have an elephant I would have one. Although I have slept with a few look alikes.

      I could buy a years supply of whiskers and leave them out for the cats…that’ll keep them going for a while!

  2. No not a Marriage councillor – my firm did make me a PML -which is a sort of guidance (the mad fools). For spouting out home spun philosophy I get to know who has had a nervous break down, who is doing what to who and hoe much more they all earn than me

    Well strictly speaking you would have two. Fortunately they don’t breed like rabbits…..

    Only the cats who can use a tin opener would survive. Plus the ones who can bully the cats that can use a tin opener.

  3. BlackLOG – I’d love to be in a position to see how much people earn. Would probably do nothing for my work ethic when I realised how little I was paid!

    Cats who can open tins though…I reckon the animal world do all kinds of magically things when we’re sleeping…

    S.Le – I have very little ego, I just enjoy taking the piss out of myself 😀

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