I got to the cash point this morning at just about the same time a woman did. Obviously I did the gentleman thing and let her go first. At just about the same time, a bus had pulled up next to the cash point. Glancing at the people on the bus, most of them were looking in my general direction (after all, cash machine activity is highly entertaining at 8am).
I reached into my wallet to get my bank card out and low and behold it wasn’t there. Bollocks.
What do I do now? A mild panic rushed through me and I realised I couldn’t back down, it was too late. All the people on the bus knew I was going the cash machine; they’d all seen me let the woman go first and get my wallet out. They’d seen me waiting. I didn’t want to be the one to make them all laugh for being a forgetful gimp. Or worse still, think I was waiting to mug the woman at the machine. Needing to avoid public humiliation, and with only a split second to think about it, there was only one course of action to take…
I continued to queue and wait for the woman to finish. Once she had finished I walked up to the machine and put an imaginary card into the cash machine, typed in a number on the keypad and pressed enter. Waited a few seconds and pressed another button. A few seconds after that (worried I wasn’t being realistic enough) I pressed a few more buttons. I then waited until it counted out a gazillion pounds of imaginary money (surprisingly, it only took about 5 seconds) before taking my imaginary card out of the machine.
Making sure my back was still facing the bus, I shuffled with my wallet whilst I put the imaginary card and gazillion pounds inside (it’s not as difficult as you might think).
As I turned around, a quick glance at the bus confirmed they all still had that vacant 8am look about them. Little did they know I’d just become a gazillionaire.