Cynical Scribble Signature Factor

As everyday goes on in work, I find myself with even more forms to sign.  It’s a never ending deluge of papers which needs signing.  It’s no great shakes, I’m not authorising the transfer of millions of pounds to my off shore bank account.  I’m signing stuff for the ever boring ‘audit trail’ which we need.  So much for the electronic world, we might as well be back in the 50’s.

I spend so much time signing stuff, that I decided to find out how long.  In order to analysis this I had to use a complicated mathematical equation known as the Cynical Scribble Signature Factor…

On most bits of paper I sign I have to place my autograph and print my name.  Even with a squiggle for an autograph, my 10 letter surname and 1 letter initial take up most of the time to ‘print name’ alongside my signature.  Did I hear you ask me how long?  Yes I did…well, it takes me 8 seconds on average.  Add another 3 seconds to add the date and that makes 11 seconds per signature.  Wowzers.

pdEach file I sign needs 4 pages signing, so: 4 pages x 11 seconds =44 seconds. Let’s add another 2 seconds for each page turning (2×4)+44=52.  So, 52 seconds per file.

I sign on average 25 files per day, so: 25 files x 52 seconds=1300 seconds.

That gives us a Cynical Scribble Signature Factor of 21 minutes and 6 seconds per day.

Are you still with me?  Good.  Pay attention at the back.


If we put that sum into a working week: 21.6 minutes x 5 days=108.3 minutes  (or 1 hour 48 minutes and 3 seconds).  1 hour 48 minutes signing my name per week.  And then into a working month: 108.3 x 4 weeks = 433.2 minutes.

Which now gives us a new Cynical Scribble Signature Factor of 7 hours 12 minutes per month.

That’s nearly a working day (not including lunch), just signing my name every month.  Amazing.

Let’s say there are 46 working weeks per year (minus Holidays etc). Which leaves us with 230 working days or (as I know you’ve just worked out in your head) 299000 seconds, of which I spend time signing my name every year.  It could also be shown as 4983 minutes and 3 seconds.  Or 83 hours, whatever you prefer.

This now gives us (and I know you’re excited) a new Cynical Scribble Signature Factor…drum roll please…

A Cynical Scribble Signature Factor of 3 days 11 hours per year.

I need a shorter name.



11 thoughts on “Cynical Scribble Signature Factor

  1. And how long did it take you to determine all this? You should shorten your name to some clever nickname like “Bud.” Or, just go by one name like Cher, Britney, Bono, Sting! You could be like Sting mate! How cool is that?

    • Not that long to be honest, probably about an hour or so! I’ve had to field a few queries whilst ive been deep in scientific formulae too. As you can see, my productivity is high in work today.

      Good idea with the name. ‘Dud’ might be more appropiate though! I could also just abandon my name completely and become a squiggle…oh shit, that’s already been done.

  2. I don’t have to sign my name very often at work, but I do say “How are you?”, adjust my adjustable chair, and look in my desk for invisible objects quite a bit. That must be a fat 2 weeks right there! Living the dream; living the dream!
    Those pie and bar graphs look very pleasing to the eye! They add a visual quality to statistics that makes it easy to comprehend. Yeah! Graphs and Visual pleasing stuff!

    note: you are very good with a ruler and pen!

  3. The fact you applied maths to the entire scene makes it almost worthwhile, because that was fantastic.

    It’s amazing how many people believe that their signature has to be their name though. I did when I first made mine, and now I can’t be bothered to change it, but a few people I know just draw silly little pictures or something, which could obviously, in your case, reduce or lengthen the amount of time spent.

  4. Planetross, there are numerous office based things you can do to make yourself busy. I’ve got the ‘frown at internet site and pretend it’s a spreadsheet’ look down to a T/tee/tea?! Glad you liked the graphs; I’m waiting for the day they invent some kind of computer program to help me do them.

    double note: and a compass 😉

    Otto Man – thank you kind sir.

    Darfuria – Glad you liked the post. I know a few people who just draw a line as their signature. I don’t really like doing that, my signature doesn’t really resemble my name, but I still like to pretend I’m a world famous superstar signing my autograph for thousands of fans each time I do it.

    You may be onto something with the pictures though, hadn’t thought of that. That’s tomorrow’s productivity down the pan.

  5. Every man in the UK is lucky that they don’t have to change their signature (or name) once they get married, then they would end up like me with two names and two signatures and forget which account is in which name. This is just purely for lazy reasons – it’s a pain changing everything also it’s quite fun having two almost different names!

    PS – I’m too impressed with your graphs! We are a nation of easily pleased types 🙂

  6. Well look here mister, I am in the middle of my second of two 3,000 word assignments so my analysis of blogging time is going to be a thumbnail sketch rather than anything worthy of note. If I spent on average 10 minutes a day formulating a blog post in my head and then 20 minutes composing it, that amounts to 182 and a half hours or 7 and a half days a year. This very crudely assumes that 30 minutes is the average, taking into account posts that take less than a minute and those that take considerably longer than 30 minutes.

    G’agh, back to the essay…

  7. Michelle – Give yourself a double barreled surname, it’ll take you even longer than me to sign your name. I’ll have to think of another boring topic to graph!

    Blue Soup – haha very well done, I applaud you! However your distinct lack of graphing means I can only award you a grade of B-. Sorry!

    PS: Good Luck with the essay 🙂

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