Nearly fainting

I’ve never fainted in my life – apart from when I was about 10 and I fell over (ahem)  because I wanted to stay off school – it didn’t work.

I nearly fainted when I had my toenail removed when I was about 16, but the nurse seen me turn white and made me lay down instead of watching (if you ever need your toenail removed, don’t watch! It’s grown back now by the way).  However I very nearly fainted last night.

There I was in the bathroom having a piss and all of a sudden I went all wobbly.  I started swaying (I hadn’t even had alcohol) so I tried to grab hold of the windowsill to steady myself, but I missed and it got worse and I started seeing double for a second.  Like a boxer on the ropes, my arms were flaying all over the place to try and get the windowsill to stay up.  I had a brief flash of cracking my head on the toilet bowl, falling through the shower cubicle and being sliced to death by the shower screen thing.  What a way to go that would’ve been! 

As you can tell I survived my near death experience.  No idea why I went like that though.  Maybe I stood up too quick and my body got too excited at going the toilet.

Most importantly, even in all the swaying, my piss didn’t even miss the bowl.  Go me!


6 thoughts on “Nearly fainting

  1. Is that what Elvis Costello meant when he sang, “my aim is true?”

    It’s called postural hypotension, but I like your idea about your body being excited about going to toilet!

  2. My boss had that, don’t know why he told us. He used to faint when he went for a piss all the time. Something to do with your blood pressure dropping when you slash. Don’t know how he fixed it, or even if he did. Don’t care either, wanker.

    Sorry, I’ve had a glass of wine.

  3. Your wine rants are quite good Jaggy, keep it up! I don’t think it’s anything to do with pissing as it hasn’t happened since. Unless I’ve cured myself, in which case I’m renaming myself Jesus.

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