I seen an interview about the new James Bond film today and I realised I’ve never ever seen a James Bond film. So, in no particular order, here are some things I’ve never done which I probably should’ve by now (not including mad mentalist stuff like jumping out of planes or anything), this is just kinda ‘normal’ things…
Watched a James Bond film
Sure, I’ve seen snippets, but I’ve never had the patience to sit through one. Nothing at all about it appeals to me for some reason. It just all seems a bit shit.
The thought of singing in front of people, no matter how bad/good, fills me with dread. You’ll never ever get me near one of them things. Ever.
Although I did do ‘backing vocals’ with a band in my local pub once many many moons ago. When I say ‘backing vocals’, I was coerced into doing the ‘whooo woooo’ bit of Rolling Stones – Sympathy for the Devil. I was tremendous. I was also absolutely shitfaced.
Had a ‘long term’ relationship
I always thought when I was younger, at 29 years of age I’d have all the relationship stuff sown up by now. How wrong could I be?! Any relationships I’ve had in the past, well they just kind of fizzled out and I never let them drag on longer than they had to. Maybe I’m just a picky bastard, but good things come to those who wait, don’t they?! I’m by no means a bronzed Adonis, but I’m decent looking enough *smooths eyebrows*, or so I’ve been assured millions of times in the past! The main reason for my singleton life is that I’m quite a shy person and I’ll never go out looking for females on a night out, if it happens one day it happens. I’m happy with my singleton status for now and to be honest, I’d rather just go out and have a laugh with my mates. Although with my lack of relationships half my family think I’m gay, I’m also nearly (6 months or so to go) 30, so I’m worried I’ll be buying cats soon.
Been the Theatre to see a play
Not quite sure why I’ve never been the theatre to see a play. Maybe because I’d rather just spend my money on a night out in bars/clubs. Or because I’ve lived a mainly singleton life, it’s not something I’ve had the opportunity to do and it seems like a coupley thing to do.
I’ll be honest, I don’t get it. When I see stag do’s or whatever around the city centre I just label everyone in fancy dress as twats. It’s easier that way – I’ll find that a small percentage are ok but the others are self proclaimed ‘nutters’ who, invariable, do turn out to be nutters. I know I’ve just labelled everyone into a little sect – I’m fancydrescist. Maybe I’m just a miserable sod, but I have never felt the need to ‘dress up’ to go and enjoy myself. I don’t need to wear a big wacky hat and a fake moustache to have a laugh. Don’t get me wrong, I did when I was five. I loved it then – I was He-Man for years, I had the sword and everything. Then Batman appealed to me and I made myself a little ‘utility belt’ (which held pencils instead of poisonous gases). In infant school we also had a place where we could go and dress up on a Friday if we had been good that week. It was fantastic. But that was 20 odd years ago, nowadays, I’m afraid I don’t see the appeal.
Wasn’t that exciting reading through that, you will never get those minutes of your life back again, ever. You loved every minute of it didn’t you. If you didn’t, then I apologise wholeheartedly – with a little bit of sugar on top. Do come again. Next blog…