The worst fit of the giggles I’ve ever had was whilst sitting in the crematorium during a funeral. I’m going to hell I know.
It was a few years ago now, but it was the funeral of my aunties mum. We were about 10 minutes into the service when the priest started onto the sermon bit. He was talking about the gift of life; Adam and Eve and all that kind of thing, but then 15 minutes later we started growing restless and even my cousins had bemused looks on their faces. Priests never normally talk this long in crematoriums, it’s normally in, a few words and out again whilst the departed goes for a roasting.
I’ve no idea what tangent the presit was on but he then started talking about bowls of tomato soup. How did he get here from Adam and Eve 15 minutes earlier? The looks we gave each other were priceless. Shoulders of cousins (who are all in 30’s/40’s by the way) sitting on the row in front were jumping up and down and everyone suddenly developed coughs to stifle the laughter. I tried everything to keep the laughter in, coughing constantly, holding my breath, closing my eyes in a hope it would go away…but nope, it burst out.
I tried, I really did try to turn it into a cough, but nothing would work. I think it started as a laugh but quickly became a cough as I’d finally released the laughter that had been bursting to get out. Cue more shoulders vigorously jumping up and down and looks of ‘oh my god’ coming from cousins on the same row who had to try to keep their own laughter in even more now. They hadn’t realised how on the verge I was of exploding. I thought I got away with it until my auntie turned around from the front row and gave me a look only the devil could give someone. I raised my hand in apology and mouthed ‘sorry’ to her, coughing again to try and be more convincing – like you do when you phone in work sick. I don’t think it was as convincing as a hangover call to my boss, but I didn’t receive anymore piercing evil looks.
The service ended shortly afterwards, probably because the preist throught everyone had been struck down by a deadly virus with all the coughing.