Shopping Trolley Adventures

I always feel a bit self concious when I go shopping, as if everyone is forming an opinion on me the minute they see me pick something up.  I don’t like the idea of people knowing what I’m buying.  Like going to the shop to buy toilet roll, you can’t just buy toilet roll and toilet roll alone because people will know you’re about to poo your pants.  So you have to buy a paper or some sweets or just something else.

I’m sure my monthly ‘big shop’ screams out ‘single male’ to the person at tills and the queue behind me.  I end up shoving everything in the bags as quick as possible…and get home with squashed bread everytime.

Last time I went shopping though, I ended up with a trolley with it’s wheels locked by them magnetic things they have to stop the tramps and scallys stealing them.  I didn’t think it would be a problem as I pushed it inside the store and started making my way around.  I’m not the type of person to go and get a better trolley either – it’s like I get a little voice in my head to not make a fuss – like it’s a big fuss to just select the next trolley.  So I pushed on.

Half way around the isles the trolley started to become unbearable.  I was turning corners worse than a bus or a heavey goods vehicle does. Big massive arcs just to try and make the bend.  I even turned into a Formula 1 driver and started taking the corners using a racing line but it didn’t help much.  It was too late at this point to get a new trolley, my trolley picking pride had been damaged and it was too late to run back to get another one.  I’d picked my trolley and I had to suffer the consequences.

It was only when I was exiting the store that an employee by the door recognised I was in need of assistance – probably because by this point I was sweating cobs.  But his magic wheel unlocker thing wasn’t working.  Typical!  So I forged on.  Not only did the trolley then get stuck on the rubber mat but pushing it over the car park was worse.

If I wasn’t self concious to begin with, then people staring at me wondering why I can’t steer a trolley, why I was pulling it, or that I was stealing it, was worse than just having them look in my bags.

I might stick to a ‘little shop’ using a basket this month.


7 thoughts on “Shopping Trolley Adventures

  1. I understand your toilet roll angst. If you just buy a 12 pack of Andrex finest, then it implies that you are bursting for a crap and all you ever do is crap. Not only do you not ever buy any food or other household goods, but you have got in your car and driven to a supermarket with the express intent of just buying toilet paper to go home and spend the rest of your life crapping. You have no interest in anything other than the toilet and clearly have no friends or wife/girlfriend.

    Or maybe I’m just paranoid. We’d need to do a representative survey of checkout girls to get a cross section of their views on people who only buy toilet rolls.

    I bet they think we’re weird. And needing a shite.

  2. Oh lord, that sounds all too familiar. And on the other side of it, when I worked as a checkout girl when I was sixteen, it was painfully obvious when someone was buying extras alongside what they really needed (usually spotty teenagers buying condoms). Didn’t pay attention if someone was buying toilet roll if that makes you feel any better heh.

  3. I used to notice the extras coming through, when it was certain ’embarrassing medicines’, so toilet roll is nothing!

    Isn’t it weird how we feel conscious of what we are buying, even though the person making the judgements will forget about it when the next customer comes along!

    I was getting frustrated just knowing how it feels to get the crappy trolley reading your post, so well done you for soldiering on. I’d have been having a John Cleese moment (car and tree branch) in the middle of the bread aisle if I were you 😀

  4. I hate trolleys too. When I got my motorbike, I thought it’d be great because I can only carry so much stuff home in my rucksack, it would encourage me to only use a basket and not need a crappy trolley… However, trying to carry a basket AND a helmet AND pick items up proves difficult… so I need a trolley more than ever to put my lid in while I am shopping!

  5. Ohhh yes, the familiar ‘essential’ shop…I used to get so embarrassed at uni when all I needed was toilet roll and you’d just have a bag of the stuff, you’d always bump into someone you know. “What you up to this afternoon” they’d say, then look at your bag and go “Ohh, that.”

  6. What an adventure. You didn’t need to go to the gym that day, that’s for sure!!

    I also really like Sigur Ros!!

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