I have to write up appraisals for my staff in work. Not only do they hate having to go through the process, I hate it too. Why? because it doesn’t mean anything, it’s one persons opinion against another’s. Maybe it’s because I work for a small company but I’m yet to have an appraisal which I would consider productive. It’s a Human Resources paper exercise.
Last year it was commented by the directors that I was too lenient in writing my appraisals for my staff. I was even marked down in my own appraisal because ‘sometimes you don’t shave and have stubble’. It’s a fair point – if I dealt with customers face to face. But as I sit in an office and see no customers or external contacts I burst out laughing. My ‘stubble’ days are the extra one days growth you accumulate when I can’t be arsed to shave in the morning, not like a fully unkept tramp beard.
So I have to sit through the appraisal process with my staff in the next few weeks and tell them what I think of them in my best teacher/boss role. They will nod with all the enthusiasm of a dying leper, give me some stick because I don’t let them sit on Facebook all day, then that will be it for another year.
I’m desperately trying not to make them sound like school reports though. I even sound like a teacher/boss. “Joe has to be more proactive in his role…” was the first sentence I wrote on one last week. I don’t even know what I meant by it but it sounded quite good! I’m refusing to use office speak/power words or bullshit that people use. I just know they’ll end up sounding like school reports though, the only thing missing will be a ‘not good enough…see me – F’ annotation.